How much strength must I have

How much strength must I have
Sure you have strength to move mountains
Have you the strength to be me

My self hatred of the boy inside me
He dare not show his face for shame
Hidden in the shadows for all to see

The voices of my accusers
Twisting my desires
The voices inside my head

No matter how valiantly you fight
No matter what the sacrifice
You would not sacrifice

How much have these agreements costed my heart
The agreements that I have been making with my enemies
Giving him places in both my heart and life

The screaming inside my head
The accusing tone from his lips
The shatter of my heart

How much strength must I have!

Written October 10, 2019

Haunted by my desires that will never be

Just lying in my tent

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